Joy :)

To my surprise the last two days have been so good! Yesterday I got to talk to Elise, a friend from Maryland, who I met when she was my intern down at WaFaRa! It was seriously the best thing ever. I haven't seen or really talked to her since I left camp this summer. We were able to skype so I got to see her and here her!! Almost like she was here! :) I love skype. Anyhoo that definitely made my week. The only bummer is that you can't talk forever on there and she is so far away that know I have to wait to talk to her again until we are on at the same time again. But, she is doing great and that was really good to hear.

On top of that...I didn't really study all that much, but enough and I finished one of my harder finals (so I thought) this morning. It actually turned out to go great and I feel much better now that it is done and out of the way. I only have two more to go now and then I am totally peacing out and going down to WaFaRa!! I am so excited! I get to first and foremost relax and get some time with my Jesus :) But on top of that I get to see Jen who I have missed soooo much the last 3 months and I get to see JOY and BAY LAY!!! Plus SUZ and KRISTA and so many other people that I love and miss soooooo much! It is going to be such a great weekend! I can't even wait!

hold on.

Today I found myself thinking of my grandma a lot. The holidays are coming and the first christmas without her is quickly approaching. In all seriousness, I am not looking forward to christmas, more so wishing it would never come. My mom wrote a Christmas letter (like she does every year) to put in our Christmas cards...almost didn't even send out christmas cards, but we did. The letter makes me cry everytime I read it. Talks about how this was a rough year losing both my grandma and a good family friend, kelley. Then about how much Grandma always insisted on having Christmas eve at her house and the fun memories we had in doing so. Then at the bottom it has all different pictures of Grandma (all my favorites). I miss her. We all do and it will be a rough season.

One thing I hold onto though is that God is with me. He is right by my side, holding on to me, through all the pain and hurt, He is holding on. I am so thankful for my Lord. The DVD "How great is our God" keeps popping in my head, reminding me that though He doesnt change the circumstance He knows and sees and is right there HOLDING US TOGETHER. I am so thankful for this because I know that if it wasn't for Him I probably would not be living right now. He saw me when I was weak and frail...when I was tired and done trying...and He SAVED me and changed my life.

So as I think about my Grandma and how much I miss her...I also remember the God that created us and saved us and remember that He sees me and my pain and He is right here with me through it all to hold me and comfort me. Lord keep holding please!

friendship...

what kind of friend does the Lord call us to be? compassionate, loving, trustworthy, there for each other... are we to pour out and pour out with out receiving back anything? I feel that, that is the right thing, but its so had when you try and try and you get nothing. My heart regarding friendship is so mixed up. I want to be Christ-like...but i need to have someone pouring back in to me. God is the one who will fill me up...He will continue to fill me up as I continue to pour out His love. That a hard thing to do though when you pour out so much and it feels like you are pouring out so fast that your pitcher goes empty a lot. Should that be though? I know the answer...

I know that i need to have more time with Jesus. If I am going to continue to pour out like i do naturally, i need to make sure I am getting filled up daily! Lord help me to just be with you more...to have my time with you in the morning EVERY day. I am so horribly bad at that and I need your help at getting better.

Maybe if I call out to Jesus every morning and allow him to fill me up, then my mind won't be so jumbled about friendships. How how I just love Jesus...He will show me, guide me and teach me. I need not worry about what will happen.

heart.

well...take two...i am attempting to write a blog for the second time, who knows if anyone will read it, but i think i am doing it more for the purpose of getting my thoughts out.

today consisted of many great things. it started with an adventure to retrieve a tree for my family, which by the way was all the way in rochester, but we found the perfect tree so it was so worth it.

then it was off to study...off to get ready for finals. it began at dq with betsy (i dont know why we ever thought we could get anything done there) but we ate, talked and laughed, which was much needed. then we found ourselves at ky's working away at our school stuff. it was great to study in a new place...it always seems to motivate me more (at least until i've been studying all day, then i just want to be done). although there were some distractions it was just great to be there with people i just love to be around.

but once again i find myself at the end of the day and still not done with everything that should be done. as the day comes to an end i find myself reflecting back on every thing i accomplished, everything i failed to finish, and all the fun i had. i find myself wondering what it would of been like if i said no to this or yes to that, if i went here instead of there or did that instead of this. but then i realize that what happened happened and i had fun along the way. sometimes things happen that aren't in our plan, but who ever said that it was OUR plan? isn't it God who has the plan for our life? isn't He the only one that knows what will happen? so i found myself reminded of who God is and that no matter what happens each day, everything will work out "for the good of those who love Him".

from here i found my mind take a totally different turn...i began to think about a conversation i had with another friend of mine about home. some people hate this place (on earth) i call home, but for me home is where the people i love are and here is where they are, so i find myself having nothing but fun when i am here. i love this place, but there are also other places i want to see, places i love, places i've yet to go. so again, my eyes are lifted...lifted to the one and the only...the one that is the only one who can lead me on the right path. so i grab His hand and say "i trust you, lead me in your will".